Bossing around

Ever heard of “An honest politician”. Hell No! That’s pretty much the kind of response that was swirling in my head when I overheard a naïve soul commenting about an understanding Boss! What is it about these species that can, at best, be termed Dr. Jekyll and Hyde.

Join me as I take you through a quick refresher course about the various types of bosses

007 variety: These spy agent varieties can be seen peering behind cubicles, at entrances or exits, etc. to ascertain the time of arrival and departure of their subordinates, at times even seen perched atop pillars eavesdropping at their subordinates’ conversation. As these geosynchronous satellites orbit the cubicles, any twitch or jerk on part of the employees are not going to go unnoticed from their roving eyes. Their eyes dart all around the building except probably at their own respective systems. An asset to the company, as many of these varieties can add up as the security guards for the company, due to their varied skill sets.

Pandits: Heard nonchalantly mouthing words “Identify the Raleigh model to cater to the RPN and model a mitigation framework with failure mode of a Regression counter to consider the Availability, RCA and Maintainability to trigger an ODC impact of the various testability configuration of process”. These are the Quality and Process Bosses who are the sole guardians of quality rituals and fiercely vow by Process rites. An application and commissioning of Cauvery water in Bangalore via the BWSSB might turn out faster if any work goes via these folks. The beginning of all rituals, for these specimens, is obviously the once harmless ‘meetings’.

Shahenshah: Nose pointing high. Chest all puffed up. Hands tied behind. This variety has the gait of an emperor marching to his throne as he walks down the aisle between cubicles. Only thing that is missing would the announcement from the palace officials, “Ba Mulahiza Hoshiyaar, Shahenshahe Corporate firm X, thashreef laa rahhhee heinnnnn”. As imperial monarchs, and inflated with the ego of a CEO, these bosses can be seen holding rights to any jurisdiction in office– no questions asked. They refuse to come off the high pedestal and interact with lesser mortals. Not surprisingly, these guys can be seen trotting against back drop of the Jodha-Akbar song “Azeem-o-shaan shahenshah…”

Mail man: The Microsoft Outlook Express, for these guys, is the most destructive weapon (WMD) in their arsenal, capable of carpet bombing the uninitiated to submission. There is a smirk of quiet confidence on his face when he clicks the “Send” button of the mail as his subordinates are spammed to compliance. Much like those old western cow boy flicks where Clint Eastwood blows at the end of his pistol after settling duel, these guys can be seen blowing at their index finger after they hit the “Send”. Not to mention, therefore, Rambo IV with a bazooka is safer than this lot.

Major Saab: These dangerous specimens, though less life threatening but quite inconvenient, are the strategists. Picture a military operation where a Major displays his fancy Master Plan amidst a war. While his commandos are wading through the mumbo jumbo thrown at them, the Major is sketching away on his blue print perennially. Mike Tyson atop a 10kV transformer is usually calmer than these guys. Quite composed, these Majors can be seen tearing away their hair and transforming a bug fix or patch test to a game of Maneuver-around-the-landmine contest